Done with the Church

How I Hope I Would Respond to Someone Who's Been Hurt by the Church

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Recently a friend forwarded me a post from one of their friends about being done with the church. My friend’s friend wrote a 12 paragraph rant as to why she is leaving the church. My friend asked me what I thought about the post. In order to protect privacies, I will avoid names and links to the post. I can imagine, however, that many of you reading this can guess significant portions of the rant. You’ve either heard it before and/or thought it yourself.

I have no idea what this person has endured in her lifelong church experience. She may have found herself in a truly horrific situation with evil, wicked, and abusive leaders. I don’t know. If that’s the case, I cannot blame her for being angry and being “done.”

What she claims to hate and so eager to leave, however, are many things I too dislike about the church. She writes, “I have zero desire for church programs . . . stupidity. . . cult-like worship of a person. . . rock music. . . marketing strategies . . . or people only in church for their own platform.” Me too. She continues, “I am done with fancy signs. I am done with fresh paint jobs on the outside when it is dark on the inside. I am done with the pain of deception. I am done with false shepherds.” Again, me too. She is fed up with a watered down version of what has become “the American church.” She says, “Jesus is my life, not church, whatever that is today in America.” I dislike a lot of these things too. But let’s call it what it is: our opinion of what we like/don’t like.

Having said that, there are three things about her post (and others like it) that bother me. They burden me. They make me hurt for the ones typing and doing things like leaving the church in similar fashion.

First, she makes massive claims to continue on as a Christian without the body of Christ. She writes, “I am sticking with Jesus and will pour my life into my own music. . . I will be growing in God’s Word daily with J. Vernon McGee . . . I will be listening to sermons with depth. I will be taking notes. I will be writing more songs. . . I will be reading Charles Spurgeon. . . I have a whole lot going on in my life, and I look forward to my prayer times.” This is fine and I applaud her for pursuing these things. However, one cannot study the Bible and grow in the knowledge of God in His Word and NOT be with other believers called the church. Let me rephrase that. I guess one can study the Bible and not be with other believers. But one cannot study, know, and obey God’s Word without being a part of the body of Christ. Nearly 5 dozen times in the Scriptures we are commanded to do life with “one another” (the church). We can be in the Scriptures all we want. But if we aren’t being with other believers (the church), we are being disobedient.

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Second, I fear she has fallen into the trap that so many find themselves in. That is, we forget that the church is made up of a bunch of messed up, hypocritical, weak, frail, and disobedient sinners. The only reason we are the church is because we all acknowledge our rebellion against God and our only hope being in Jesus. She claims to love the hymn “I Need The Every Hour.” Yes! So does everyone else in every congregation on the face of the planet! Throughout her post, she expresses her desire to stay close to Jesus. Yes! It’s what every one of us so desperately needs. And it is what we (the church) are for: to challenge and encourage and plead with one another to be near Jesus. As a matter of fact, we cannot know that Jesus lives in us unless we are with others in the local church. I don’t know how to forgive unless I am in a relationship where someone has hurt me. I don’t know how to love as Christ loves me unless I am confronted with not loving someone. I don’t know how to show mercy toward someone unless I am tempted not to. The only way I can become a person who does these things is by Christ expressing Himself through me with and toward other believers. Leaving the church, in other words, prevents me from experiencing the supernatural work of Christ in and through and around me.

Third and finally, it’s obvious she is hurting. I have no idea what happened, but she is sad, mad, frustrated, angry, and hurt. I am guessing it is not the church she dislikes so much. I imagine her post stems from a couple of people who, in her eyes, grossly mistreated her. At the end of the day, usually it’s not “the church” that is the problem. It’s one or two people who have made life extremely difficult, painful, or sad for the person lashing out. I could be dead wrong here. But I don’t think I am. Reading her words screams at me that someone is in deep, deep pain.

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Having said that, were I given the opportunity to have a conversation with this person (or someone in a similar situation), I would probably not quote a bunch of Bible verses. They already know ‘em. I wouldn’t tell her how bad she needs to get back to church as soon as possible. I would stay away from “shoulds” and other pious sounding and religious commands and platitudes. I hope I would listen, be present, empathize with her pain, express sorrow toward her emotions, and trust the Holy Spirit to heal. In other words, without letting her in on it, I would attempt being the church for her, hopeful of being a loving representative of the body of Christ.