Disaster Draws Us Together and Success Isolates Us

A Quote that Makes Me Nervous But Feels True

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I decided not to use a particular quote in a recent sermon on the Prodigal Son. It was the right decision. The quote - though potent - would have probably been misunderstood. Or worse, I would have taken way too long to explain it. Preachers can get into trouble either way.

Here’s the quote (by Garrison Keiler):

When I’ve organized my stuff, I plan to write one more novel and that’s absolutely the last, no matter how many six-figure advances publishers thrust at me over lunch at La Côte Basque, and then I’ll start writing Screwing Up Is a Good Start, which puts forward my philosophy that disaster draws us together and success isolates us. Look at me, I was a very good boy who gave my parents no worries, and as a result we were strangers to each other. Now I wish I’d gotten a girl pregnant in 12^th grade, lived with her in their basement, got into the Scotch, sniffed the white powder, spent some time in the lockup, and my folks would’ve adored the child, coaxed me back to responsible adulthood, my wife would’ve written a brilliant first novel based on the crap I put her through and we’d be sitting pretty today. Instead, I walked a straight line, followed the rules, ascended the slippery slope, and now I sit here alone, nobody calls, nobody texts.

No, sometimes doing wrong is exactly the right move. In all my adult years, I’ve avoided being a houseguest so as to be No Trouble To Anyone and now I’m an old man and I have no close friendships because people think I’m a misanthrope. Me, the amiable host of a prize-nominated radio show. I’m doing my show in Greenville, South Carolina, in a few days and my relatives in the area all know about it but has one of them said, “Come and stay with us, we have a guest room in the basement. You’d have to share it with a dog and a macaw, and the toilet is upstairs but we’ll give you a lantern.”? No, I haven’t heard a word. Story of my life: my independence alienates me; I should’ve joined a support group for the self-righteous and broken down and sobbed and repented of my hypocrisy and gone out for drinks afterward and formed fast friendships. I never did that. (From this post.)

If you’ve grown up in the church like I have, paragraphs like this make you nervous. There are several statements I don’t like. Several I’m not so sure I agree with. But I dare you to study Jesus’ Parable of the Prodigal Son with Keiler’s words whispering in the back of your mind. Which son brings the family together and which son is a loner?

These three statements get me:

“. . .disaster draws us together and success isolates us.”

And

“No, sometimes doing wrong is exactly the right move.”

And

“. . . I should’ve joined a support group for the self-righteous and broken down and sobbed and repented of my hypocrisy and gone out for drinks afterward and formed fast friendships. I never did that.”

I don’t think Keiler is advising his readers to go out and sin to capacity so that “grace may abound.” At least, I hope not. Paul had something to say about that. But I do think his words offer a stark warning to us self-righteous types. I do think there is truth in what he says and relief for those who have found themselves full of “doing wrong.” I believe there is a tendency for churchy do-gooders to isolate, judge, and stay away. And I believe real community often happens among those whose life is, well, a disaster. In fact, if we don’t like that - or if these words really do make us nervous - then we are more like the older brother than we imagined. He didn’t want a father who would bring the family together over a “disaster” of a brother.

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I walk my neighborhood most every morning. It is your typical white, middle/upper class neighborhood. The neighborhood continues to expand with new construction all around us. I’ve noticed something that, again, makes me wonder if Keiler’s words ring true. When the sun is rising, there are two types of people I see. On the one hand, I see people like myself. They walk from their front door, computer bag in tow and coffee in hand. They are silent. They are alone. They have AirPods in their ears. They quietly walk out of their home, get in their vehicle, put on their seatbelt and drive away. No smile. No words. Maybe a wave. On the other hand, there are those present who are constructing the new homes. Most all of them are Hispanic. They arrive before the sun, usually a half dozen or so per vehicle. They get out and stretch (I have no idea where they come from or how long they drive each day). And as they begin to work - together - they talk. They laugh. They tease one another. They listen to loud music. They sing along to the loud music. They seem, at least to my eyes and ears, happy.

Two types of people. The white people leaving their nice homes, getting in their nice cars, wearing their nice clothes - alone and silent. The Hispanics arriving in beat up vans and old cars, wearing tattered clothing, scheduled to work a 12-14 hour day - together and laughing. I’m not sure (and I know I am making some serious judgments and generalizations here), but I imagine their stories would shock us. Where they came from. Where their family is. How much they make an hour. Where they live. I have a hunch we would be horrified and consider their circumstances a “disaster.” But pay attention to their countenance. Observe their interaction. Then watch the white people leave their homes and get in their car.

No one would want to wake up at 4 am everyday to hop in a van with six other people and drive two hours to work and labor from dark to dark. The circumstances would have to be extreme for most of us to live that life. Yet it’s these people that - at least from my limited observation - to have more joy. Keiler’s philosophy is that disaster draws us together and success isolates us. Interesting.

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As with most of my writing, I am not real sure what to do with these thoughts. Often I write simply to work out things that are rolling around in my head. I don’t want to agree with Garrison Keiler’s words. But I have to admit that what he says bears with something in me that is true and right. What about you?

• Is there a sin you need to confess that, though may expose something uncomfortable, will lead to being loved by and connected with someone that would have otherwise not happened?

• Is there a self-righteous posture or spirit in you that has led to being alone and isolated?

• Do you secretly hate how those who have lived “disastrous” lives have more and deeper friendships than you?

• Do you find yourself on the outside looking in because you cannot stand the thought of a Father throwing a family party for that person?

• Has your “success” robbed you of the joy you see among the “unsuccessful”?

By all means - please don’t rush out and sin as much as possible so you can hopefully make a “right move” or something. But do pay attention. Pay attention to how you and the world define success and how God, the Bible, and Jesus define it. It may just be that your disaster is the gateway to life. Jesus came so that we may have life and have it to the full. Do you have it?